STAR TREK Galerija

STAR TREK Izdvojeno

Biografija: Kathryn Wrongway

Home region: Eerie, Indiana, Earth
Education: Starfeel Academy Graduate, Almost Twice
Marital status: single, walked down the aisle the wrong way 13 times  

Given command of  U.S.S. Voyeur, new Insipid-class starship, presumed lost in Badlands for unkown reason. Wrongway is a tough captain who is afraid to ask for directions, while her thoughtlesness, and diplomacy have earned her respect and recognition as one of the best retreaters in Starfeel. Her talents in guessing and ignorance allow her to be constantly busy fixing mistakes, if necessary. She prefers to be addressed as "Captain" rather than "Hey! Dummy" or "Hey! You." Aside from tiddlywinks her studies have included road maps, compasses, and the gestural idioms of the Lost. Her preference for easy studies is self-traced back to childhood, when she would prefer that to thinking. Since then, she has indicated no pleasure in outdoor camping, hiking, or cooking. She just couldn't cut the compass thing after all.

  For relaxation, Wrongway enjoys role-playing and recreation in Holodeck programs, such as flying, Driving, skiing and sailing. Her success has been severely limited. In her youth she played doctor with a little boy and cut out the wrong organ, and then walked back home for 3 days in a thunderstorm from 2 blocks away. She has not played the game of doctor regularly since. As a child she also studied ballet and performed the "dying swan" at age 6, but fumbled when beginning the play with the death scene.

  At the Academy Wrongway was taught a captain had to keep a certain distance to the crew; considering she's always walking away from them, this would be easy.



Biografija: Jean-Luc Dikhard

Home region: France, Earth
Education: Starfeel Academy
Marital status: Jean Luc Dikhard was born to More'ice and You'bet Dikhard

He had one brother called Rubbit. Jean Luc Dikhards' early years were spent in the hard surroundings of  his family's Bordello, in France, but at a young age he sought a life among the porn stars. He joined Starfeel at the age of  18, and chose life in Starfeel over a career in erectology, but his love of jism cultures has given him a special insight during his many years as captain.

  One of  the defining moments in Dikhard's life was the day when he lost his natural hardon in a fight with a Nautyfan over a game of con' dom-joust. The injury left Dikhard close to limp, but thanks to medical technology, he was given a cybergenital implant. He was fitted with a prosthetic hardon that has to be periodically replaced. Here is a quote from Dikhard about his youth 'There were many things in my youth I'm not proud of , mostly shrinkage."

  Dikhard's first command was the USS Porngazer, he took command after the captain was killed during an anal probe. Dikhard served aboard the Porngazer for many years, developing his hand to uh, hand skills as he leads get-away teams and handles conflicts with the Lardassians and Rearendi.

  He was also the first Starfeel captain to encounter the Bored. He gets a chance to experience them at close hand when he is humiliated into the Bored State. The physical scars were removed from Dikhard, but the follow up vaccinations still remain. Dikhard believes that an officers size is more important than the orders he or she is given, and has consistently refused to obey the impulses he considers moral. One example of this is when he joins the attack on the Bored State against Orders and manages to save Earth from total Boredom.



Biografija: James T. Jerk

Home region: Y., Ioutta, Earth
Education: Starfeel Academy, Expelled for over exploration of self awareness
Marital status: married several times, but loved self more

 At the Academy, Jerk was called "a pack of  kleenex with a purpose." During the Academy days, Jerk was tormenting an upperclassman named Fingerin', who was frequently a target for his practical jokes. Jerk found a measure of satisfaction years later, in himself, when he had a chance to beat a rubber replica of  a woman created on the self amusement park planet in the Omigod Delta region.

 Jerk's first assignment after graduating from the Academy was aboard the U.S.S. Faagut. One of his first missions as a young lieutenant was to command a survey mission to his quarters. While serving aboard the Faagut, Lieutenant Jerk blamed himself for the invasion of  200 Faagut personal spaces. Sometime in the past Jerk almost died from a disease called self exploratory syphilitis.

 Jerk's greatest renown came from his command of a left-handed mission on the original Genderprize. Jerk had earned an incredible list of commendations from Starfeel, including the Palm of  fistal commencement, the Palm of  Honor, the Silver Palm with Cluster, the Starfeel Citation for Suspicuous Behaviour, and the Kragite Order of  Body Parts.

 Following the return of  his hand from it's five-year mission, Jerk accepted a promotion to rear admiral, while the Genderprize underwent an extensive cleaning of  the bathroom walls. At the time, Jerk recommended Woody Pecker to replace him as captain of  the Genderprize, although Jerk accepted a grade reduction back to wanker when he regained command of  his ship to meet the P'er threat. After this incident, Jerk commanded the Genderprize on a historic second five-year self exploratory mission.

 After the second five-year mission, Jerk became personal staff  inspector at Starfeel Academy. But returned to active duty when Khan't hijacked the Starship Unreliable, and stole the Genital Enhancing Device. Jerk's close friend, Phuck, was killed in that incident. Upon learning that Phuck survived, Jerk hijacked the Genderprize to the Genetal Planet to return Phuck's body to Tincan, where the body was reunited with it's Phucking spirit. Jerk self-distructed the Genderprize during this incident to prevent its capture by the Peeons. His son, David Mucus, was killed by Peeons during this event.

 Years later, Jerk played solo while saving the historic Whitier than you peace conference as well as the life of  the El Presidente. This was the last mission of the Genderprize under Jerk's command. Jerk retired to his bathroom three months later. Jerk's bathroom retirement lasted three years, when Jerk was called to the christening voyage of the third Genderprize (NCC-1701Bcup), and helped it's captain, rescue a transport vessel that was trapped in something called the Sexes. The Sexes is a marriage ribbon that is filled with only her pleasure, and where being right has no meaning. Kirk saved the Genderprize, but was pulled into the Battle of the Sexes and believed to be nagged to death.

 78 years later, Captain Jean-Luc Dikhard, attempted to stop Dr. Booleean Soreass from penetrating planet Virgin III in his obsessive attempt to return to the Sexes. However, Dikhard failed and had to pull himself repeatedly. While in the Sexes, Dikhard went to Jerk and asked him to help him stop Soreass. Jerk decided to leave the pleasure of the Sexes and have one last adventure. Jerk succeeded in saving Virgin III, but was morally wounded in the process of deflowering the virgins. Dikhard buried Jerk's genitals on Virgin III for all to use.


Biografija: Hazbiga Rax

Home region:  Prime Hooters
Education: Starfeel Academy on an over inflated scholarship grant
Marital status: Single, but longing to have Wart, and maybe some little warts  

The biography of  Hazbiga Rax has to take two parts; one for each bra cup. The silicone "Rax" which is around 300 years old and has had a number of injections over the years to keep soft and supple, and that of  the humanoid Thrill woman, Hazbiga. The silicone has a colorful history, having been touched by no less than seven other hands including a mouth. The host before Hazbiga was Curseno Rax, a not-so great mother figure of  Binjamin Disko in his youth.

  Hazbiga Rax was a very, very, attractive and big uh, eyed young woman, who didn't have to work very hard to get laid for the Thrill joining program. She was thrown out of  the program after a poor report from Curseno Rax during the initiate assessment, because of  mammoral jealousy. She was then reinserted into the program because of  unprecedented size, and finally became the host to Rax when Curseno Rax dried up.


Biografija: Harry Palms

Home region: Couldn't read ID due to stains
Education: Starfeel Academy
Marital status: Single, engaged to right hand
Parents: Test Tubes  #11 and  #46 

Harry Palms had an especially promising career in hand with engineering and analytical operations when his life was apparently pulled short along with 151 fellow crewmembers on the ill-fated Voyeur. Palms, who was engaged with his hand at the time of  his disappearance, had played solo for one full year straight, where his mounting palm problem fostered much debate.

  Though he enjoyed a stellar solo career and welcomed the challenges and adventures of self exploration, Palms was a bit nervous about living up to his own expectations.  Fresh from Starfeel Academy, he became Wrongway's Oops officer. Stranded in the bathroom. he feels his loss of  home and family as a raw wound. His fondling nearly got Voyeur home through a micro-wormhole. He has been "devoured" by vengeful sentient lusts trapped in his sexualized holo-program, survived the "afterorgasm" of the Vhnori, and returned from the limp on the quantum level as well. He also helped retrieve the MadDoctor from his damaged penile program and fought temptation to stay with a mirror.  Like Wrongway, Palms too is estranged from a fiancée, but he became instant friends with Bareass and stuck with him despite his palm problems.



Biografija: Feelit

Home region: Pervax, a Talax mooner
Marital status: Single, has involved himself with many children
Parents: Ped and Ophelia

  Feelit is a jovial molester, a species of the Feltya Quadrant, whose wit and instincts have enabled him to elude the planetary police. Now he aids Voyeur's cause after coming aboard with an orphanage, from his home system. Although he gives his good-natured abuse to children, he has been invaluable in preparing fresh diapers from the flora and fauna of  this region in order to ration cloth replicator power.

  Feelit's chores as self-appointed "child morale officer" have run the gamut from personal counseling, to a private video program for the children, "A debriefing with Feelit," was daily. The latter led to his single-handedly tracking down the elusive prize, risking his life, but emerging intact after killing the impulses, in his quarters.

  Feelit has already confronted his past devils coming aboard, admitting altar boy service before the 2366 conquest of  his home planet Pervax. His main activity aboard is that of  the ship's kindergarden teacher. His childish adventures are not always appreciated, though. Especially his custom of delivering a spanking at each meal while it is served.  His Feelit Resort holoprogram, was immediately removed when found..

  Due to a transporter accident, Feelit and Twobucks merged into one person with his own identity, and own name: Feelit-for-Twobucks. He was soon accepted among the crew, but after much consideration, Wrongway opted to have him put to sleep.



Fun with Borg

1 on the BORG Hit Parade: We all sleep in a single subroutine.
2 on the Borg Hit Parade: Borg in the USA.

Blonde Borgs have the same fun.

Borg Answering Machine Message:
But we're not home right now. So leave a message at the tone and we'll assimilate you later.

Borg Moderator - Your topic is irrelevant.

Borg saying: We came. We absorbed. We left.

Borg spreadsheet program: Locutus 1-2-3.

Borg Starter Kit: some assimilation required.

Borg virus detected. (A)ssimilate? (Y/y)

Borger King. We do it our way. Your way is irrelevant.

Borga-Cola: Not the choice of The Next Generation.

Healthy Trekkies work out at the He's Dead Gym!

McBorgers: Over 50 million assimilated.

Our other computer is a Borg.

The Borg assimilated our race and all We got was this crummy T-Shirt!

The Borg: Calm, Cool and Collective.

We have engaged the Borg. The wedding will be Friday.

Welcome to Borg Burger. No pickles. Pickles are irrelevant.

We are Pentium of the Borg, division is futile, prepare to be approximated.

The Swedish Chef has been assimilated. Borg borg borg!


Biografija: Emergency Maddoctor Hologram

The Emergency Maddoctor Hologram (EMH) was designed by Dr Jeckyl with the assistance of  Mr. Hyde at the Jupiter Station Quackprogramming Center. The Doctor has access to potions of more than 2000 voodoo reference sources and the expertise of  417 witch doctors, which give him unparalleled lab experiment possibilities.

  His original function was that of a quack physician if the human chief medical officer went nuts. At first his medicines were rough to swallow, and his impatience with his patients did not earn him much popularity. Influenced by Lez, however, his curses gradually improved, and the extra limbs just dropped off on their own.

  Ever since Lez suggested he should find the perfect body for himself, the Doctor has been attempting to do so. He had settled for 'Frankenstein' once, but that name reminded him too much of  the loss of  his first body, so he abandoned it in a ditch.



Biografija: Deanna Troll

Home region: Megahead
Education: Starfeel Academy, Class Pedicurist, Expelled for foot fetish
Marital status: Never even close  

Deanna Troll served as the ship's beauty counselor. Born under a bridge near the lake El-Aarg on Megahead, Troll was the daughter of  Megaroid Ambassador Iwaana Boy and the late Lt. Imma Troll. One of  her many memories from her childhood, includes her really ugly father reading ancient mystical stories for her at bedtime, which resulted in a lifelong interest in trolls. He passed away when she was only 7 years old, when ugliness struck Deanna very hard, right in the face.

 According to Megaroid custom, Deanna was supposed to be "genetically altered" by Dr. Whynott Killher, the son of  her late father's best friends, sister's third cousin's brother. The arranged experiment was meant to make her pretty, but for some reason it was called off.

 What Deanna didn't know for years, was that she had a sister, who she had drowned in the nearby lake on Megahead when she was about six years old. Deanna, at this point had sharp claws and large teeth. In grief and guilt her parents moved away, and upon Imma's death Iwaana deleted all mention of  Deanna's sister in personal toilet logs.

 After her Academy graduation, she returned to her homeworld for advanced beauty studies at the University there. During this period she met and had a deep romance with Willhe Striker. Striker and Troll had planned to reunite six months after he left Megahead for the USS Pottytrainer, but his rapid fist negated that, and she eventually got away from him. Despite latent beatings, their professional life has remained largely platonic since they were reunited on USS Genderprize two years later.

 Deanna has never shown any signs of negative reactions to Striker's occasional beatings to other women. Romantic attractions of  her own have included, a brief dating relationship with fellow officer Wart. Owing to concern about her lack of cosmetic expertise during a hair raising crisis stint as senior cosmotoligist officer on the Genderprize, she successfully completed the Starfeel Beautician exam afterwards. This training contributed to the successful restoration of  Zephyr Cochring's hair and nails on his pioneer warp flight, when she helped minimize 24th century involvement and thus potential timeline contamination by acting as floor sweeper and hair washer when the original crew was killed by the time-traveling Bored.

 She is also trained in massage and stimulation therapy, which often made her a greatly valued first contact team member. She was once abducted in a forced shuttlecraft crash, then barely survived abduction and surgical alteration to pass as a Supermodel agent aboard a warship to help the Empire of the Ants underground, to smuggle out two high-ranking defectors.



100 načina kako "ubiti" Wesley Crusher-a

100. Killed by angry Star Trek fans while on a mission through time at a symposium - location: anywhere!
99. Beamed into empty space, seen exploding just outside Beverly's viewport -- Ouch!
98. Killed by Beverly while sleeping (very interesting!)
97. Killed by Picard after accidentally sending the Enterprise into the sun.
96. Killed by falling rocks at Yosemite (ST V)
95. Killed by transporter malfunction - molecular cohesion lost, turned into a blob (ST: TMP)
94. Killed in holodeck malfunction: Hard Drive Crash - disappears mysteriously without a trace. 93. Holodeck safeties fail - burned at the stake in Salem...
92. Killed by Romulans after War Crimes trial (ST VI)
91. Killed on runabout in a bizarre accident - dumps plasma, ignites, blows up warp core.
90. Killed in misunderstanding between Cardassians and Romulans - Romulans thought he was still a member of starfleet - actually defecting to the Romulans.
89. Caught reprogramming the Kobayashi Maru simulator - imprisoned for life, commits suicide using a Romulan disruptor.
88. Stabbed by Cardassian through the heart in a fight over a game of strip poker.
87. Creates a mutation of nannites that attack his shuttle and cause it to enter a star.
86. Killed by sudden resurgance of K.E.H.L. (Keep Earth Human League)
85. Decides to drink a Klingon alcoholic beverage (baaaaaad idea....)
84. Kills himself after he gets transporter insanity.
83. Killed by transporter malfunction in which he becomes inverted (insides out, etc.)
82. Killed by electrical fire in shuttlecraft.
81. Killed by automatic defenses of Borg ship while attempting to escape.

For the next few, imagine that Wesley goes through the DS9 wormhole. He then proceeds to travels to... the television planet, a planet where everything and everyone is from a TV series or a motion picture:

80. Joined the cast of Star Wars and was killed by bounty hunters.
79. Meets himself in TNG, realizes that the universe would be better without him , and kills himself.
78. Decapitated by a crashing helicopter while in Twilight Zone-The Movie (Phineas Narco, edited)
77. Shot by Darion Lambert on Time Trax. He has already been hit by three red pellets, but he is hit again, and his mind is scattered through time.
76. Meets Nermal on Garfield and Friends and kills himself because he is no longer the most obnoxious thing in the universe.
75. Falls in love with 90210 star and never returns to reality.
74. Falls in love with cult leader who eats him alive.
73. Accused of raping CBS wetern character and hung.
72. Changes his name to Mike, gets caught by the Mads (MST 3K) and is sent to replace Joel and is forced to watch the worst movies ever made.
71. Was caught trying to smuggle a sacred flower onto Babylon 5 and was sent to prison after completely losing his mind. He was later hung.
70. Joined the cast of Twin Peaks and got cancelled.
69. Joined the cast of TOS and almost got cancelled several times before he was finally cancelled.
68. Became a stand-in for the great sword-swallower.
67. Played a stunt role in an unreleased full-length feature film version of Edgar Allen Poe's classic The Pit and the Pendulum.
66. Played the worker in Lethal Weapon 3 - you know, the one who got pushed into the concrete.
65. Was eaten by Jaws.
64. Joined the Full House cast and died of a heart-attack while trying to endure Danny Tanner's worst stand-up comedy act.
63. Played role of wife in movie version of Poe's The Black Cat.
62. Played the leading role in Julius Caesar.... (Played Julius Caesar, death by stabbing, etc.) 61. Turned into a maid on the movie Ice Pirates. (If you haven't seen it, don't bother to go rent it....)

All right. Enough with the TV planet thing. This has gone way too far!

60. Killed when shuttlecraft undergoes sudden decompression....
59. Meets himself in the past and doesn't recognize himself, gets into an argument with himsef, kills himself, and ceases to exist.
58. Devoured by a pack of genetically-altered, flesh-eating tribbles.
57. Beamed down with controls accidentally set for maximum dispersion.
56. "Accidentally" beamed into a star.
55. [Presumably due to sensor error,] beamed into a bulkhead.
54. Sent to Klingon prison world (Rura Penthe) for war crimes, and freezes to death.
53. Falls into vat of hydrochloric acid.
52. Accidentally "falls" into nacelle - Picard *tries* to catch him...
51. Falls in love with Deanna Troi - killed by Worf.
50. Falls in love with Deanna Troi - killed by Riker.
49. Falls in love with Deanna Troi - killed by Worf and Riker.
48. Falls in love with Isabella (Imaginary Friend) and she lures him into a nebula. His shields fail and she absorbs his life force.
47. Falls in love with Dax - killed by Bashir.
46. Falls in love with Klingon - killed while mating.
45. Falls in love with Tasha Yar and, thus, buries himself on the holodeck.
44. Falls in love with a ferengii and is shot out of orbit after forgetting the third rule of acquisition. 43. Falls out of an airlock on Starbase 102.
42. Trapped forever in an old computer core beamed into empty space.
41. Trapped in a shuttlecraft with no engines, no communications, and no emergency suits, but twenty-five years of life support - a very long death....
40. Captured by Cardassians on a secret mission and forced to listen to 18 hours of bad beginning violin student recitals before he finally took his own life.
39. Drowned in a freak shuttlecraft crash in the middle of the Pacific ocean....
38. During a trip to Alaska, he is attacked by arctic wolves and eaten slowly, bit by bit.
37. After traveling back in time, he is executed for participating in the Tiennamen Square riots. 36. He is electrocuted while repairing a computer core on a Romulan ship. (The Federation was so overjoyed that they officially ended a five-year long war between the Romulans and the Federation.)
35. He stumbles onto a new set of high-efficiency warp field equations and is able to travel at warp 100. Unfortunately, his sensors fail midway, and he is forced to navigate manually. He crashed into a star and blew it out, destroying an entire civilization (the Cardassians) and saving another (humanity).
34. He is assimilated by the Borg.
33. He refuses to join the Q continuum and is killed by another bizarre tornado.
32. He is incorrectly transported and is reduced to elementary carbon, oxygen, and hydrogen atoms.
31. In a brilliant scientific acheivement, his brain is transferred into Spot (Data's cat).
30. Picard tries to catch him when he jumps from a burning building, but misses.
29. Trapped in a turbolift that plummets to the lowest deck of the Enterprise.
28. Dies while attempting to eat Gach (Klingon worms).
27. Dies in a shuttle bay malfunction - his ship is cut in half by the Enterprise's shuttle bay doors.
26. Gunned down in front of a 7-11 in New York City in the 20th century.
25. Trapped in space when his shuttlecraft turns out to be Odo.
24. Death in car crash - didn't see the severe tire damage sign and ran into a house.
23. Death by lightning strike.
22. Death in airplane crash - Capt. Picard "forgot" to fix Wesley's parachute....
21. Hit by runaway taxi cab in San Francisco when its paring brake failed and it rolled down a loooooong hill.
20. Killed when his shuttlecraft hit a gravitic mine.
19. Death by radiation sickness when trapped in a shuttlecraft with shields down near a shuttlecraft whose warp core breached.
18. Death by pressure wave when trapped in an old starship whose warp core breached (accidentally...).
17. Death from plasma burns after being ordered by Commander Troi to repair a damaged plasma conduit while the ship was in warp. **Ouch!**
16. Death from asphyxiation when his shuttlecraft's life support began to fail slowly. ****O-u-c-h!****
15. Death from overdose of morphine from plasma burns received while repairing warp conduit.
14. Death from contact with antimatter after strange transporter coordinate error beamed him into his shuttlecraft's antimatter containment pod.
13. Killed himself after insanity caused by a Vulcan mind-meld gone amuck and broken in the middle.
12. Killed by a turbolift malfunction in which the doors opened with the car twenty levels below. 11. Killed by the bends after surfacing from a sunken shuttlecraft.
10. Killed by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge on a dare from his former friends at the academy.
9. Killed during phasing tests when he rephased within a wall of granite.
8. Killed while using tek to access the Internet by security systems.
7. Killed while trying to escape from a Romulan prison.
6. Killed on the operating table by a careless surgeon attempting to perform plastic surgery.
5. Killed because of hemhorraging due to brain transplant.
4. Killed by spacesuit leak while repairing the AE-35 antenna module. (2001 - Clarke, Arthur C.) 3. Killed while in engineering during a warp core eject.
2. Incorrectly listed as dead due to computer error and cremated.
1. Incorrectly identified as dead due to tricorder malfunction and buried alive!

Maybe that'll finish him off...


Biografija: Commander Yadontsay

Home region: Born on Planet x (Lardassian-Federation border)
Education: Unknown
Marital status: Won't Say
Parents: Son of  Sam, and Samantha  

A Native American descendant, this onetime Starfeel commander was resigned from his position as an instructor in Starfeel's Advanced Tactical Training in 2370 to join the Mock, we think. But, he won't say. Yadontsay is a gentle man but unsure of  himself, and is one of  the Mock's who are truly in the fight for ambiguity, and not mercenary gain or violent outlet.

  Yadontsay looks to his spiritual background for inner answers, and doesn't like sharing that belief  with others, even giving some good-natured beatings for asking, to Torres or Paris, among others. He uses a TV guide summoned by his medicine bundle, prays to speak with his psychic for guidance, and wears a mask for self-healing. With a mother suffering from ongoing dimentia, he is also reportedly an excellent mentalist, probably.

  Yadontsay's piloting skills trace back to who knows where. Tracing Yadontsay's past to the Rubber Tree People of Central America, proved impossible because they resisted the intrusion of  any society until the development of  the warp drive in the 21st century allowed them to leave Earth and find their own home for good. They have not been seen since. Ya don't say.


Biografija: Chuck Upchucker III

Home region: Pukesville, Barfingmore, Earth
Education: Starfeel Academy Undertable Graduate
Marital status: single, can't seperate himself  from his toilet bowl  

Charles Upchucker III often goes by the nickname "Hurl" and is the 3rd highest puking officer aboard the Genderprize, after Licking De'Pol.
 Hurl has been a good drinking friend of Captain Jonathan Letcher for a long time and was one of  Letcher's first customer choices for his new bar. He's mentioned several times that his favorite food is catfish on icecream, with ketchup.

  Hurl is a drunken southerner who has a bad sense of  humor and is always ready for the next fight. He enjoys going on benders to get himself arrested from time to time. Hurl and Lieutenant Malcolm Peed argue on many occasions, mainly over the booze and booze dispensing systems, or just about anything else booze related. Despite this, these two eventually learn to drink and spew together. As witnessed in "Sheetfaced One," Hurl is a very disoriented person, and Peed is very pessimistic and never "lowers his pants."

  Charles Upchucker is the first and only recorded case of a human male becoming pregnant while intoxicated, and half of the first human interspecies drunken, trailerpark trash couple.



Famous Borg

Borg, James Borg.

P-Porky P-Pig of Borg: You will be assim-assim. . . absorbed.

Tennis is irrelevant - Bjorn Borg.

Uhura of Borg: Assimilation frequencies open, sir.

Geraldo of Borg: Next -- brothers who assimilate sisters.

Groucho Borg: That's the silliest thing We ever assimilated.

We are Al of Borg. Aww, Peg, We assimilated you last year.

We are Dangerfield of Borg. Respect is irrelevant.

We are Daleks of Borg. ASSIMILATE! ASSI-MIL-ATE!!!!!!!

We are Descartes of Borg: We assimilate therefore We are.

We are Drunk of Borg. Resistance is floor tile.

We are Fudd of Borg! Pwepawe to be assimiwated! Wesistance is usewess!

We are Garfield of Borg - Hairballs are irrelevant.

We are Ginsu of Borg. You will be assimilated - but WAIT! There's MORE!

We are Popeye of Borg. Prepare to be askimilgrated.

We are Shakespeare of Borg. Prepare to be, or not to be, assimilated.

We are Tweety of Borg. We _tawt_ We attimiwated a puddy tat!

We are Windows NT of Borg. DOS will be assimilated.

We are Yoda of Borg: Irrelevant the Force is.

We are Zsa Zsa da Borg. Prepare to be assimilated dahling.

Yoooouuuuu'rreee Irrelevant! - Daffy Duck of Borg.



Biografija: Captain Letcher

Home region: Stalker, NY, Earth
Education: Starfeel Academy Graduate 4 times, wouldn't stop leeching off other students
Marital status: single, but has sleezy relations with every female he comes in contact with, just like Jerk   

Jonathan Letcher commands the first deep-space Starfeel wessel, the Genderprize. This new ship is the fastest humper built by the people of  Earth with a new hump 5 engine which his father helped create after Doctor Zephyr Cochring's legendary warp flight in 2063.

  After Doctor Cochring made his warp flight, the Tincans oversaw the production and advancement of  Earth's spaced program now called Starfeel for 90 years. Letcher never forgave the Tincans for this and mistrusts them. Letcher enjoys spending time with his dog, Porthole, which lives aboard Genderprize. He also enjoys voyeurism, which we see him do a lot, and loves exploration at every level. He always goes out of the way to stalk people, often getting himself into trouble and endangering his crew to do so.


Biografija: Boner

Home region: Middlesex, Earth
Education: Starfeel Academy, Class Gynacologist, Expelled for over indulgence
Marital status: married once to Joy, but she couldn't cope with a name like Joy McBoytoy 

Nicknamed 'Boner' by his longtime friend and commander, Captain James T. Jerk, McBoytoy replaced Pete "the pie eyed" Piper as chief medical officer on the original five-year mission but clearly became the most endowed. By that first year he had already won commendations for Lesions of  Pain, and was treated like a virgin by Starfeel Surgeons.

 His genital's were sometimes hard, an outer crustiness masking deep scaring beneath the surface. His "porno" roots led to the old-time physician manner of doctoring, with a Southern touch that was most apparent when under sexual stress. He distrusts rubber technology and rises to the situation whenever possible. As a sexual watchdog he was not afraid to take on his captain, but it was his running battle with Phuck which became legendary.

 McBoytoy contracted the impotence syndrome and retired from Starfeel to spend his remaining days on the Hemroid ship, Yoko Ohno, and that world's strip priestess, called 'Nitely'. By exploring the ship Yoko Ohno's hidden secrets, Phuck found a cure for impotence and McBoytoy left 'Nitely' to return to the service.

 After the Genderprize's triumphant return from its five-year mission, Boner retired from Starfeel, grew a woody and went into sexclusion with a proctology practice, only to be forced back by Jerk and a Rear Admiral when P'er(from 1st Trek Movie) threatened Earth. After that, he continued through the years of renewed Genderprize service with Jerk until at least the Whitier than you peace talks. He survived imprisonment with Jerk on plumped-up charges at a mining prison when he could not revive assassinated Peeon Chancellor Gerkin. Phuck's deposit of  his katra in a katra bank after The Genital Enhancing Project, had nearly driven Boner crazy and landed him in Starfeel detention until their reunion took place, whereupon he delighted in the Tincan's reNeducation process.



10 stvari koje možeš napraviti dok si u Borg kocki

1. Daj im da asimiliraju Windowse
2. Ako ih to ne sruši dodaj Windows Service Pack 2
3. Dok se ruše pusti snimku: Mi smo Microsoft. Vaš sustav će biti srušen. Otpor je uzaludan.
4. Ako koja radilica preživi dotuci je Microsoft Officeom.
5. Upoznaj Borgovsku kraljicu sa Bill Gatesom.
6. Dok se upoznaju onako usput spomeni Billu da Borg koristi ilegalne kopije Windowsa.
7. Gledaj kako Borg napadaju gomile Billovih ratnika zvanih odvjetnici.
8. Gledaj kako je nakon napada Borg prisiljen prodati kocku da podmiri dugove a Borgovska kraljica odnese gaće na štapu.
9. Kupuj samo originalne Windowse da te ne zadesi ista sudbina kao i Borga
10. Ama baš nikad ne instaliraj Windowsa u shuttle jer mogao bi proći gore od Voyagera.


Biografija: Benjamin Disco

Home region: Travolta Town, Earth
Education: Starfeel Academy Graduate, voted class disco-dick-tarian
Marital status: Married to 402 year old singer Whitney, in Houston  

Binjammin Disko attended Starfeel Academy in San Francisco, the disco capital of the world. He danced rapidly through the ranks and was a Commander on the USS Tapdance when it was destroyed by the Bored. His wife, Whitney, was killed during a choking attack on a bong and he was left to bring up his son, Fake, by himself. For three years after the Bored attack, Disko was a soon to be forgotten man, years later being able to recover with the shattering loss of good rock, and or, roll.

  During this time, he worked at the Utoke Plant shipyards working on various strains including the prototype of  the anti-Bored bongship (the USS Ican'tfindit). He was reassigned to Deep Smoke Nine as it's commander when the Lardassians pulled out of  their occupation of  Pager. He negotiated an understanding with some lifeforms who live outside time allowing the use of the Bunghole in Paging space, he then became an important figure in Paged religon, The Megafairy. For the first two seasons, he commanded DS9 with the rank of Commanding Prancer, but in season three he was promoted to Captain Dancer.


Biografija: B'Ellana Whores

Education: Starfeel Academy, incomplete second year due to klingon whoring ritual
Marital status: Single, but involved with everyone 

After a brilliant but troubled two years hooking at Starfeel Academy, Whorres seemed to be constantly at odds with the police due to several disruptive episodes at her school. She and her Peeon pimp had lived on Kessick IV among the Johns, after her father, a human Starfeel officer, left them when she was 5.

She later joined the Mock rebellion in its slutty stages and by mid-2370 was acting as sleezoid for former Starfeel officer Yadontsay's crew. When she turns to recreation as an outlet, she has been known to play with herself and Ens. Bareass.


All Borg

And the only thing the borg left behind was NT.
Borg saying: we came. we absorbed. we left.
Borg virus detected. (A)ssimilate? (Y/y)
Borgdos: Irrelevant command or filename.
Borgasm: the ecstacy of being assimilated.
Borger King: Have it our way. Your way is irrelevant.
Bush Borg: The economy is irrelevant.
Distance is irrelevant: pythagoras of Borg.
Drunk Borg: Rslience in floor tile, Wan'be similated?
I yam popeye of Borg, prepare to be askimilated
I am yoda of borg: irrelevant the force is.
I am Homer of Borg! Prepare to be... OOooo! donuts!
I am ginsu of Borg. You will be assimilated - but wait there's more

I am Fudd of Borg. Wesistance is usewess!
Mcborgers: over 90 million assimilated
P-porky P-pig of Borg: You will be assim-assim.. absorbed
I am lorena bobbitt of borg. You will be assimilated - piece by piece.
Rush LimBorg:liberals are irrelevant.
Tennis is irrelevant. - Bjorn Borg
We have engaged the Borg. The wedding is Friday.
Whose laser thru yonder saucer section cuts? 'Tis the Borg
The Borg: Calm, Cool, Collective.
*test, If you can read this, my cloaking device is on the fritz again...
Anyone seen the Muppets?
The Swedish Chef has been assimilated. Borg, borg borg.
I am Bart of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated, Man!
I am Victor of Borg. You will be assimilated - But first a piano
I am Jordan of Borg. Gravity is irrelevant.
I am Jordan of Borg. Baseball Sucks!
Geraldo of Borg: Next, Brothers who assimilate sisters.
I am Perot of Borg. My non-candidacy is irrelevant.
I am George Carlin of Borg. The seven words you can never say on TV are
assimilate, assimilate,...
I am Bush of Borg. Read my lips, no new assimilations.
I am the village people of Borg: Y. M. C. A.
I am Rush of Borg. All dittoheads have already undergone assimilation
I am Little Caesar of Borg. Assimilate, Assimilate.
Readneck of Borg: We all is goina asimilate you buddy!
Be assimilate in 30 minutes or less, or your next death is painful..
Infect them, install windows on their collective of Borg
Next, Brothers who assimilate sisters.


Biografija: Beta

Home region: Omyitsgone Beta science colony
Education: Starfeel Academy, outdated records to follow, expelled for non attendance
Marital status: married once and later divorced due to disinterest and useless parts  

Beta was the fifth and one of  the last models created by Dr. Betamax Sony. He was permanently de-activated when he was found by members of a get away team after the Crystalline Methamphetamine had drained the life force from the colony.

 The crew that had found him, inspired him to join Starfeel, and he was barely accepted to the Academy. He found the entrance exams well beyond his outdated Beta Brain but he soon discovered that his biggest problem was his lack of  VHS interaction, which he didn't quite understand. After a curriculum which included advanced training in video quality, and movie selection, he graduated to video stores with blockbuster failure in lousy sales probability and xafsability. After that, he spent three more years on a shelf as an ensign and 10-12 more in the garbage can.

 Beta discovered that he had a "brother", Gore, built with an inferior ethics program and originally disassembled before Beta's own creation, due to excessive killing sprees. Beta himself created an almost as short-lived Thetamax, christened Lalalala whose ownership had again been contested by Sony. The video overload she was exposed to in the livingroom environment jammed her unintended playing ability and could not process it adequately, so she "died" despite the best efforts of  Beta and Sony.

 After all Beta's years in Starfeel following de-activation, Geordi TheForger was the first to become a friend and accept him with respect as an equal to VHS.



Biografija: 2 of 4 Pack

Home region: Trailer park colony of  Boozer Prime
Education: Grade 5 Remedial School (but left to join the Bored State)
Marital status: Married 7 of  9 times
Parents: Both died of alcohol assimulation in the Bored State

  At an age of about six, she could drink a whino under the table. Then on board the deep space wessel 'Raveing', she drank herself  into the Bored State. Before she came aboard Voyeur, she served as Tertiary Adjunct to Multi-boozemix 01 within the Bored State.

  After Wrongway severed her link with the beer store, her drinking genes began to reassert themselves, thus provoking a sober-threatening withdrawal reaction from her Bored implants.

  Captain Wrongway decided to keep 2 of 4 pack on board, as it was Wrongway who was responsible for drying her out, with hopes she won't try to kill her for it. There's one thing the people on Voyeur can offer her which the Bored State could not:  Synthahol.

  Currently, she is assigned to AA.